Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Saying goodbye for a while

Both gone now - but I'll always think of them like this

The moment we had been dreading finally arrived on Sunday 25th July - when the hospital gave us an early morning call advising I should come over.

Mum remained sleeping and peaceful with four close family members by her bedside. And a few hours later when the final silence started to settle - the sun shone and mum's youngest sister and a niece held her hands as she slipped softly away in my arms.

I can't tell you what a comfort being there has been for me - knowing mum wasn't suffering, scared or alone in those closing moments. That she was sent gently on her way with kisses and a whispered 'Night, night' and 'God bless' - the same phrases she soothed me to sleep with so many times as a child.

The Beatles - Golden Slumbers



We're ok and getting by at the moment. A bustle and swirl of phone calls, visits and arrangements to make have been keeping us occupied. Just over a month ago, the plan for this week had been to take mum away to Southwold for some sun, sea and a change of scenery. None of us expected to be arranging her funeral instead.

The final goodbye takes place on Thursday, and it's after this I expect the slump will really set in. All those hidden triggers for tears and heartbreak - seeing her handwriting, finding old pictures and bits in the loft, forgotten songs on the radio, questions I'll go to ask that will stay unanswered. The one-sided silence and a deep sense of loss and emptiness.

It was the same when Dad died nine years ago, although dad's death was so quick and unexpected - just two hours after being rushed into hospital, it left us reeling for years. But, eventually we found calm, comfort and a new normality. In some ways you never get over these things - you just get used to not getting over them.

I never got say goodbye to dad, so I'll play something from The Faces in his memory.

The Faces - Debris

32 comments:

Cocktails said...

I'm really sorry to hear that Dave. Alis x

Furtheron said...

All the best mate... I know what it's like for you... this weekend there was a short moment when I wished my Mum was still there to be with me on my silver anniversary.

Sending the best good vibes I can your way

bitterandrew said...

My deepest condolences, PM.

John Medd said...

Mondo, I'm really sorry to hear your news.You'll get through this. It won't always be dark at six. John x

Five-Centres said...

Really sorry to hear that Dave. Sounds like you're being as strong as you can. Glad you've got your own family to see you through the tough times.

Thinking of you.

Mondo said...

Thanks all you really are such a lovely bunch - hopefully Thursday won't be to harrowing as there'll be plenty of friends and family around. Mum's asked for colour and celebration rather than black and commiseration, she's also signing off with Monty Python's Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.

Matthew Rudd said...

Offering you strength and courage, Mondo x

Bright Ambassador said...

Take care.

Ishouldbeworking said...

I doubt she could have had a better or more loving son. I'll think of you all on Thursday, and beyond it.

My hubby sends his thoughts too. Not a blogger but a huge podcast fan.

Valentine Suicide said...

Truly sorry to hear that, Dave. Thinking of you, mate.

Simon said...

So sorry mate x

Mick said...

So sorry to hear this. Wish I had some wise words of comfort. We're all thinking of you and your family.

drew said...

Truly sorry Mondo. Will be thinking of you and yours on Thursday.

Take it easy.

dickvandyke said...

Utmost admiration.

Mick said...

P.S. Lovely picture.

x

Piley said...

A genuinely moving post Dave, and a great tribute to your mum.

There will be good and bad days ahead, but never lose sight of the fact that you did everything you could and more... Nobody could ever ask for any more than that.

Ian

Clair said...

Hey, what a beauty your mum is there! And what a cool, handsome dad! No wonder they produced you. Love to you and yours xx

office pest said...

Very sorry to hear this. My condolences Mondo, and I wish you strength when you need it most.

Mondo said...

Bless you all, thanks so much for your thoughts, comments and compasion.

And yes, great picture isn't it - dad always got tarred with the James Coburn brush (note his tipple of choice on the table: vodka and orange), and mum was always sunny and smiling..

PS - I've still got those two toy cars on the table somewhere - my pretend Persuaders cars.

swiss adam said...

Good luck and take care

londonlee said...

God bless, mate.

It's a cliche but a day doesn't go by when I don't think of my own parents.

BLTP said...

Sorry to hear this Dave, my thoughts are with you and your family at this hard time. Take care
Chris

E F RICE said...

I am really sorry to hear about your loss mate. Extremely moving writing .... take care of yourself.

Highlander said...

Thinking about you.

Mondo said...

Thank you all for your lovely contributions ~ big day tomorrow. I'm sure there'll be plenty of smiles, sadness and sparkle..

ximeremix said...

Dave/Mondo
Just found your blog via Across The Kitchen Table.
I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I am in the same situation as you. My father died on Saturday, so the phone calls etc. started on Monday.
Keep your pecker up, it will get better, I am sure. For me too.
All the best
Conrad (ximeremix)

entrailicus said...

Hope you're hanging in there OK.

Istvanski said...

Sorry to hear this terrible news. Sincere condolences to you & your family, Dave.

rave-and-roll.com said...

Deepest condolences - just seeing/hearing about it now. I hope you and yours find peace and strength.

MissP
xo

Martin said...

Sorry to hear of your sad loss Dave. Hope Thursday went off smoothly and that you manage to draw some strength from the good memories you have tucked away.

ANDREA MORANDI said...

I was just passin' on your blog and I saw the beautiful picture..it looks like an old movie from the Seventies...the sunglasses, the toy cars on the table, all that smilin'..I think that is eternal, you'll be with your parents forever in that moment. Condolences from Italy, may the wind always be at your back, man.
Andrea

Budd said...

I am very sorry for your loss. From the short time I have known you in cyberspace I'm certain your mum and dad would be proud of you.